It happens,its hard,its unbelievable,the reality of it creeps up on you and you stay in denial about it until you cant fake its unexistance anymore.
This is when dreams,goals,ambitions,hobbies and faith changes.
About a month ago my best friends know id been going through mixed emotions filled with self doubt and with no faith in life.I was in a dark place confused,lost and searching for anything to give me hope.As id lost it,nothing in my life was going the way i wanted it to.Everyone seemed SO much more happy,fulfilled,successful than i was,a minute id be on facebook and already someone would have posted pictures of themselves having a ton of fun,so i would leave facebook to engage in self wallowing.Not cute,but yeah!And before you even dare think that i sit around comparing myself to other people let me let you know that i don't!But because i know myself and a little about those around me i get to notice little things.And it doesn't help that i have an overactive imagination plus my ever-so-extending ability to over analyse you get an insane number of insecurities creeping up on me.
Anyhow,to feel fulfilled or worth something iv been on a mission to find something to turn to,to help relieve the pain,the insecurities and fear,fear of the unknown.I found something.Something that had always been there,something i had kind of forgotten about.
I found music.As usual,in times when im looking something real,more than hope and a lot of faith i turn to one of my favourite shows "ONE TREE HILL",it gives you all those things without being too serious or boring.And along in watching it from season one i was getting built up and BAM!There it was hope that my life could possibly amount to something,something even better than before.I realized i was never going to ever be actually happy if all my glee came from spending money and no i'm not saying money doesn't bring happiness because it actually does.Yeah i know right!you just have to know what to shop for and where.So as i start realizing that getting a new purse or shoes isn't going to make me happy in the long term i'm going to try living and spending for memories.I want to be an old girl who reminisces and gets nostalgic on past events.So yeah i don't know if this makes sense to you but my music guides me and stays with me.
Music,well the music i listen to is lyrically and beat deep that its the kind that changes the mind of a lost soul that is ready to give up altogether.
It gives you courage,it opens you up mentally and creatively to explore your own intelligence trying to decipher its meaning but i guess that's the beauty of music,its supposed to convey different reactions and emotions.Its supposed to be just like that.I'm in love with music again and i like my music to give me decadence,emotions,hope,faith,and peace even when it has a rock feel.haha
